sweet dystopia

push me aside

down deep dunk dive

slurps and gluttony

halfhazzard homogeny

the companies own

our loyalty

a brand name is a

band name

rock star statures

i am falling apart in my

macintosh dream.

these people with their

fingertips on the brash

future smile widely

and i watch them on

a screen,

this is george orwell’s nightmare

this is all a mistake

(then it continues)

these clouds compute

deep red resonations

slightly reverberating

across a chewy

microchip center

and in ten years

our thoughts align

up and down our

various spines

distrust is everywhere

the sky is clear

and this new revolution

branches its own revolutions

and in this domino effect

i am riding the wave

lost in a maze

no shame

my boots are chains
i am refrained and sneaking
a silent peek, at your dungeons and
risking my life, on my feet

the bad 80’s vibrate through my curiosity
a candlelit refrain keeps me
joyously hopping from trail
to trail, i have no tail… i have no eyes

but do despise, with sulking glares
with pointy fingertips of despair
with strummy strums of indignation
i have and feel no hesitation

to stamp you out
i stamp and stomp
no feelings
worth feeling, anyhow

and to breathe in all of this grease
that melts off of the walls
these walls are not mine
but i scrub them with bleach

on my hands and knees
i am preparing myself
for this next life… when all i want
is a baby of my own

i want to have grown passed
these habits formed
i want to realize truth
without feeling forlorn

breathing treacherous air
curvaceous idealizations of girls
that don’t exist in a place
other than my mind

im keeping time on a rusted watch
that dosent work
and i wonder why im slacking
i wonder how it is that im cracking

but im feeling good, real refined
totally blind
and dont worry, not worth the time
i never was, you shouldnt have bothered.

and here we go again on some self
loathing roller coaster, sliding and twisting
within metal housings, my crazy
feat of death, all the whilst being locked in

into the fringe, up in the sky
peircing my ears, tounge, and eyebrows
tattooing you into my skin
like a dumb raver kid, someone trying to

prove how different
how much different
how very not the same
how very humane.

and its a soft spot
but im not here to judge
they kids sit on my lap
i give them candy and shove them on their way

i tell them santa sucks
i tell them that their family will kick them out
i tell them that theyre mentally ill
i tell them that theyre on medicine,
for the benefit of mr. kite
i tell them that girls wont ever like them
i tell them that no matter how good they are
i tell them that there is no hope

they fire me from my imaginary job
“but i was just being honest!!” i proclaim,
“if it happened to me it will happen to them, the same”
there is no shame, no shame.

uh.. SHIT.. this one is a real bummer, sry!!

my empty heart
has hollow ventricles
sagging lowly
within cored out alley ways
capillary monstrosities
no reason for feeling
life’s small intricacies
but nonetheless i feel
it beating down on me.
in pangs and wanton
streaks, reminding me
not to speak
never to speak my mind
to lay frozen and locked inside
my allotted time.
and like a clock
i tick and tock my way
thru the lonely corridors
that life persists
is where i should exist
lonely
and unworthy of anything else.
my fabric is a soft felt
but no body wears felt,
its unfashionable and raw to the eye…
and so am i, so am i.

i am breathing
my heart is beating
fingers twitching
thoughts maneuvering
feelings spewing
terrible notions of a life
just as lonely as ive always lead.
i am perpetually in the red,
to this very day
and although my friends say
im quite a catch
my hooks remain unlatched
i, still unattatched

oh, forever and always
isnt such a long time
but it lasts centuries
when you have the inability
to think of something else.
honesty and honor,
pride and symbolism
these are notions that i have given into
they are what i know
truer than true
through and through
and although i am bleeding for the chance
for someone to take my hand
someone very kind
i am not so inclined to believe it will happen.

i want to work with children,
mabye hang out with perez hilton
be a cultish smash, like darby crash
correspond with carrie fisher
smoke blunts with bangley and asher
subsist in a world thats anything, other.
but im not optimistic, that shit wont happen.

and then one day i will
gradually become
dust.

AW

the boss sez: eat this here dirt

 

you gallop around in a soft daze, kickin’ up the rocks.

 

you set yr sights on something different.

 

you have this idea in yr head to kick the boss in the face, just like those rocks. mabye string him by the ankles, twisting him in silly circles as he giggles and begs for his life.

 

the boss sez: don’t you get all day-dreamy on me now!

 

reality suddenly shifts. no average turn of events could have led you to this point.

I like to blame past generations for my problems.

Branching off
Into a million sprouts
Meticulously rising
Like doughy thought yeast
All stringy and gooey

I am carelessly careful
Not to fodder
My components too harshly
Since they break so easily

Drifting like a drifter
Boots and sand
And being tied up
To wooden stakes.

I am forced to consume
Your mass quantities
And i gulp and swallow
My hearty bites
Without question, i gobble

I’m feeling freakish
And lacking in certain Qualities
That i wished i would have
Garnored by now

But to sit and sleep
And to wish things into place
Does not work
For humanz like me.

I am here for pretend
Make believe land
1960’s beehive
Tim burton imagery.

I am here to not think too hard
And not work at perfecting
Those tiny things about myself
That i wish to become great

But it’s not my fault!
I blame the low-self esteem
of drunken, immigrant ancestors.
Their blue collar notions of inferiority
Infecting my well being

Oh, to be young, and getting older
Soon i’ll be much better off
In a hostel somewhere in Europe
With no actual human contact
Like Jeff Magnum, just me and a guitar.

OMG SO GAY!!!!!

Keep on eating my brains, eternity!

It’s so much fun to change and to do different things but while I constantly hide under a mask of self-doubt I’m not getting any further. I need to transcend this vast, inappropriate wasteland we call earth and hemisphere myself into some other society. The type of society where everyone wears platinum foil outfits and listens to music that resembles odd bleeps and blips. Basically a tin foil land where they play Polysics all day and I can swing on swings (and not break them) and eat nutritious food in neon coloured pill form.

I’m just really interested in any sort of hyper-futuristic place that resembles George Carlin’s class in Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. I’d like to sleep in a Michael Jackson-esque rest chamber, within a room filled with them, and have brain tv screens feed my mind knowledge as I sleep… like the babies in A Brave New World.

But honestly thinking about it, that would probably be a pretty fucked situation to live in. In that type of future there is almost always, assumably, some sort of higher ruling dictatorship. Dystopic science fiction novels are never fun for the participants within them. There’s always a sad, totalitarianized glumness to everyone.

Yeh, so I changed my mind about everything I just said, fuck that tin foil, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls-type hippie bullshit. I never cared for Logan’s Run. I mean, yes, I love the Planet of the Apes but when it comes to low-grade 70’s sci-fi who the fuck dosent?

It all comes down to this: years of media infiltration has left me incumbantly meta-fantastical. And it’s not even worth it. I’m not sure if thats really an explaination for my odd mind vomit, I basically blame all of the years I huffed inhalants for my pillowy soft sense of the surreal but tv totally had something to do with it, am I right?

This past weekend I watched an entire season of 30 Rock in one setting. It was so much more entertaining than real life could ever be.

If only life were as simple as sleeping, the entirety of it.

The real joke happens at 6am. The morning starts. Sands shift the sun to a bright, new poisonous day. The sky is a repeated mold of it’s previous version. The sun, bleeding from within the clouds, blinds my eyes so terribly, when I have to literally wake up, that my skin practically feels like falling off.

Morning is quite actually the cold, hard truth of reality. Oh sure people find it lovely, but it’s not. It’s simply another harsh reminder that I have to grow up and face the world. My entire childhood was nothing but mornings filled with mock vomitting and pathetic, non-sick coughs to try and dissuade my mother from taking me to school. What did I want to do instead of going to school? Sleep. Simple sleeping was, and is, my only life remedy. I love it so thoroughly and thoughtfully. It is my best friend in times of need. My enemy when I can’t get enough of it. I want to slice it thinly and eat it on a bagel, like lox.

Ah, yes… good ol’ daybreak. Classic forenoon! Morning, my sweet bitter temptress. Earth is not worh my burning, sleepy eyes, methinks. The universe dosen’t beat having vast, surrealistic dreamstates take ahold of my frontal lobes. Nothing does!

So I leave with that, here is a Devo video. It explains my position on things pretty understandably.