trees leaves grass and images of such things.
November 2, 2009
Copyright: DETOX
the rolling skies are rocky hills
demolishing my retina stare
through a screen
everything is green with pink embers
i was so high i can’t remember
how it looked for real
i cannot feel past the lower extremities
parts of me are peices passing through
a new envisionment
most of me is old wet and tampered with
too fat for you
too fat for school and life
but not pink trees or pink cigarettes
my mind frets
i am transported, suddenly, to another setting
like mars or the jetsons or something
cuddly and cartoonish
all that acid from highschool i never took
CATCHING UP WITH ME1!
and then i vanish back into this picture, back to two years ago when i still felt somewhat fresh, before my puppydog heart was crushed into kibbles n bits by a cruel girl. back when things were ok and tree’s were pink, back then i think that i had it all but i was seriously just as miserable. it’s a constant and perpetual. the past, if we could all just live in the past where we see ourselves as “happy”. too much of living in the past will kill you, i say. too much fantasizing about the future will get you in trouble. the present is OH SO VERY BORING. so what’s to be done?
i love to fantasize, i love fantasy. I AM FANTASTICAL. im fantastic.
November 2, 2009 at 5:30 pm
follow that trail lil’ doggie.
November 2, 2009 at 6:37 pm
SEE THE PERSON WHO ONCE WAS YOU
i am always pulling away from the moment into other things.. even to such small degrees of “i am listening to this song and it makes me want to listen to these other 5 songs”, or reading a book, and i think, i should be reading this one and that one at the same time as well.
one time i woke up after sleeping for like 3 hours, and i could have slept longer if i could just go back to sleep. and i lay there thinking what i could do with my day, all these nice things. i am about to jump out of bed when i realize i won’t actually do those things once i get moving.. i’d get distracted with a new moment.. maybe i should just lay there a while longer and think about those nice things.
i don’t know who i am anymore other than what it is i am doing and what it is i “do” day to day. i’m a mental atmosphere with hands. what my hands do is what can be seen, and what my atmosphere does is never grasped by anyone but my minds eye. the only horror is when that atmosphere SUCKS OMG LUCIO FULCI MOVIE HEAD ZOMBIES AND SHARKS AND THE SCREAMING!
in the dead times.. it’s hard to even have the good atmosphere. it will come back, but it will be different, and maybe you will walk on hands instead of feet, or ride unicycles instead.
a new mad house with a bunch of new clowns! new mirrors, and new seals, with new songs and new ropes and a new hang man and a new horse and a new story and a new shoe and a new person and a new system and a neu wave and annoywave and a new ][][;[;'=\]
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November 2, 2009 at 6:51 pm
a guy tried to talk to me at panera bread, and he was very studious looking, and it was kinda of cute, and he kept talking to me and i get so nervous and girly but mostly nervous because i can’t talk to people without getting perfunctory with pre thought answers, or even answers that don’t fully apply, it’s like i am trying to get them off my back in the nicest way possible, and i am mid movement and he sits by the booth across from mine, when the conversation could have continued, i leave for the bathroom because that’s what i was going to do.
this ends all communication, and as my add coffee mind wanders from my book, i think about it, and also think “dude.. you don’t want to know me. i’m too weird for you!”
stifle personality or else you’ll confuse the strangers.. so.. say perfunctory things to confuse them instead? WHEN THEY ARE GONE STRESS LEVELS DECREASE! which part of this is good and which part is bad? you’d think.. you should want to be able to be comfortable and yourself around people.. but the japanese might disagree.. you should be.. polite, curteous.. and not too personal. and then have the option of whether or not you want to make people go away? i guess. yes.
reactions… my behaviour is parasympathetic? is it wrong? i have like 500 thought trains.
crisis for all in the subtext of living
flavored and nuanced for every pleasure and displeasure ^_________^
November 2, 2009 at 8:12 pm
my sister won’t stop listening to the sun city girls for fun & profit. she was sick last night and i was forced to sit with her and take care of her hold her back while she pukes etc
her boyfriend calls her “sugartits.” I WANTED TO MEET YOU EARLIER BY THE TREES but it was foggy with a chance of overpriced eggplant & snow pea’s which interferes quite excessively with the pasta & rice ordeal we had discussed last night over Skype. Please remember to update your twitter before ordering another tall oolong peach green tea from starbucks and proudly proclaiming “i’m gay today, tommorow and the next day after that.” I just want to feel like everything is gradually oozing downhill like the molasses flood of 1947, and I want to be ok with it. Sit atop the hill and blow away dandelions under the bitter earth sun mothercountry year of our lard two thouxand end nien. Big fun yard sale … who cares. Drive nicely.